Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
Never give a sucker an even break.
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
BC
